Just when you think it's getting better.. It gets worse. Alot worse.

Is it wrong of me to constantly push the one i love away? No matter how many times he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me so badly? You're probably thinking "Of course it's wrong of you!" Yeah well I already know that. It's like I try and try and try and, and nothing. Zip. Nada. I can't do it! I try so hard to not push him away and to be more open and love him. Soo damn hard. Don't get me wrong, I DO love him. Soo much it's unbelievable! But I just show it in a different way. I know some of you can relate. Your way of showing someone you care is by fighting with them. It's like the rush you get. To know they care and try. Like you fight just to see if they'll run away and leave you standing there alone. Like you fight  just for the make up make out session lol . But sadly Me and my other can't do that. You see, we live thousands of miles away from eachother. Him, in Canada. Me, in California. I think that's the main cause to our constant fighting. We want eachother so badly it hurts and we're going insane. Insane with jealously. Well, he is at least. He always seems to be jealous. Jealous of what I have yet to find out. He says he's envious of my friends. Because they can see me and be with me and touch me etc. While he can't. When I think he's jealous that someone is going to steal me away from him. That's so not happening. I'm going to go see him soon. Flying thousands of miles to go live with him. We're going to get married and buy a house together and everything :) haha corny, I know. Anywayssss... We constantly fight and we have been on the verge of ending it all together many times. I hate it. I know that no ones going to read this, but honestly I don't care. I just need somewhere to vent and just get all my thoughts out. Some of my posts will be about my "love" life issues, and others about friends, family, school. Anything my crazy twisted mind can conjure up i guess lol.

xxxoooo